


In my defence, I was left unsupervised

by Awakened_Panda



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, I don't really know how to tag those, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Muggle world, Multi, Orion Black's A+ Parenting, Slurs, Tiktok trends, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, Wizarding World, but its basically sexual jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26900947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awakened_Panda/pseuds/Awakened_Panda
Summary: - Mother! Mother I crave violence.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Regulus Black & Walburga Black, Regulus Black/Bartemius Crouch Jr., Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 44





	In my defence, I was left unsupervised

**Author's Note:**

> Hii everyone! Here's my first fiction in the Harry Potter world, even if it's just text posts.  
> (Please don't steal them)
> 
> There are a lot of references to TikTok trends because well... i got addicted oops.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this poor attempt at comedy and let me know if you like them <3
> 
> \-- [ implied sexual reference and slurls!! ] --

Regulus: Mother, I, unfortunately, won’t be able to attend dinner. I have an appointment with my girlfriend.

Sirius: *snorts* You give off way too many gay vibes to have a girlfriend!

Walburga: SIRIUS ORION BLACK THAT IS NO WAY TO SPEAK TO YOUR BROTHER! APOLOGIZE IMMEDIATELY!

Sirius: Lmao, okay boomer.

-/-

Regulus: *exists*

Barty: I love you.

-/- 

Peter: I am not scared of anything.

Peter: *sees McGonagall stalking towards the marauders*

Peter: *faints*

-/- 

Lily: And what do we say when we feel the need to throw ourselves off a bridge?

James: only if Lily says yes

Sirius: only if Remus does it

Remus: yeet

Lily: NO

-/-

Dorcas: Hi I’m Dorcas, and you are?

Marlene: GaY

-/-

Barty: Regulus and I don’t like each other like that!

Regulus: we don’t? 

-/- 

Harry: I might be stupid, but you know what I’m not? Noseless 

Voldemort:

Voldemort: *runs to his bedroom, locks the door and cries*

-/- 

Rodolphus: Bellatrix no

Bellatrix: Bellatrix yes

Narcissa: Bellatrix no

Bellatrix: Bellatrix maybe?

Voldemort: Bellatrix no

Bellatrix: Bellatrix no

-/-

Remus: I and Sirius are so in sync with each other that we finish each other-

Sirius: -sandwiches

Remus: Y- No! 

Sirius:

Remus: Don't you fucking dare finishing my sandwich!

-/- 

James: honey can you teach me how to use the waving thing?

Lily: the what?

James: the waving thing.

Lily:

James: I think you called it a tiny waving thing

Lily:

Lily: you mean the microwave?

James: yes! The tiny wave!

Lily: *faceplams*

-/-

*Sirius getting home after a long day*

*Regulus and Barty casually leaning against the kitchen counter*

Sirius: What were you two doing?

Regulus: nothing!

Barty: nothing!

Sirius: alright

Sirius: *starts walking away*

Sirius: Barty?

Barty: yes?

Sirius: you’re wearing Reg’s shirt backwards 

Barty: I- uhm

Regulus: *blushes*

-/-

Sirius: you’re adorable Reggie!

Regulus: stop calling me that! I am almost eighteen

Sirius: But you are my cute little brother

Barty: *snorts* well, he’s not little but definitely cute *winks*

Sirius:

Regulus: 

James:

Remus:

Peter:

Students nearby: 

Barty:

Barty: WhAt?

-/-

Regulus: *finds out about Horcruxes*

Regulus: *goes to the cave to switch lockets*

Regulus: *dies*

Regulus in the afterlife: in my defence, I was left unsupervised

-/-

McGonagall: *transforms into a cat*

McGonagall: *gets into Filch’s office*

McGonagall: *pees to mark her territory*

McGonagall: *cackles*

-/-

Dumbledore: here at Hogwarts everybody is equal, there is no favouritism.

Dumbledore: nice shoes Harry. 50 points to Gryffindor.

-/- 

Barty: *phone ringing*

Sirius: Lmao, do you still call your dad daddy?

Barty: *looks at Sirius dead in the eyes*

Barty: *picks up the phone*

Barty: Hi Regulus

Sirius: *faints*

James: chokes on water

Remus: totally saw that coming

-/-

Harry: *flying enchanted car into the whomping willow*

Sirius: *sigh* look at that kid... I wonder where are his pare-

Sirius: *spits water* OH MERLIN! I AM PARENTS! Hey you! come here!

-/- 

Barty: *climbing back in bed*

Regulus: you’re finally here, I missed you

Barty: I literally just went to the bathroom

Regulus: *wraps himself around Barty* I still missed you 

-/-

Walburga: I wonder what we are going to have for dinner

Orion: hatred and self-loathing 

Walburga: what?

Orion: what?

-/-

Lucius: I am the man of the house. I make decisions around here

Lucius: *looks at Narcissa*

Lucius: right honey?

Narcissa: suuuuure

-/-

Remus: *sitting on the floor surrounded by chocolate wrappers, chewing a choco bar while holding another four*  
In my defence, I was left unsupervised 

-/-

Marlene: due to personal reasons I’ll spend the rest of the night in the kitchens from everyone and eating ice cream and 

Lily: what?

Mary: she was walking down the stairs with Dorcas, tripped and fell down on her face

Lily: Oh...

-/-

Walburga to Regulus: son you must stop hiding in your room reading all the time! You are coming to Narcissa’s party tonight, no buts.

*at the party* 

Regulus: Mother! Mother, I crave violence *hiss*

-/- 

Hermione: Aww your such an adorable little kitty, I don’t get why nobody wanted you.

Crookshank/Regulus: Adorable? 

Crookshank/Regulus: mudblood you must know that I was a dangerous death eater once!

Crookshank/Regulus: a trained assassin!

Crookshank/Regulus: MERCILESS!

*hiss*

Crookshank/Regulus: now scratch my belly, it pleases me.

-/-

Remus: Do you ever get that strong urge to just throw yourself off the highest tower there is at Hogwarts?

Lily: I- what?

Remus: What?

-/-

Remus: *wakes up at 9am* AAAAAH! I'm late for school!

Remus: Oh no, wait! I'm thirty i don't have school...

*30 seconds later*

Remus: AAAAH I AM THE TEACHER! 

-/-

Walburga: It makes me sad how-

Orion, Sirius & Regulus. Wait! You have feelings?!?

Walburga: ...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, sooo this is it for now. I really hope you had a good laugh;  
> I might make more in the future if you liked these text posts, just let me now xx.  
> Have a good day!


End file.
